Chen Han told me in the past that he wrote a story about a small person leaving behind a strange world under his ordinary life in the column of a week. Her words are like black holes, collecting people's backs on their secrets, their desire for love, and their desires. The film "High-age Women's Parenting Dream" she planned to visit in the lens television also filmed her mother's wandering and stalking as if she was walking in the dark tunnel, but there was always light.
One day in April, the mother baby, who is not usually noisy, has a sound in the community. It turned out that it was Chen Hanzi, a reporter from the TV, who shared a link to a record film - "The Dream of Higher Women's Parenting". When I clicked in, I saw that some of the three women I was suffering from high school and some were walking on the road to becoming mothers. And those faces that were tired or hopeful made us feel familiar. Maybe we are not just recordings, but a mirror.
The female theory was exactly what she learned when she grew up. "I think it seems like a loser to have sex at home. Why do I spend my life on shit and urine?" I wandered between self-achievement and family, and looked back quietly, and was surprised that the year was coming, so I went to do egg retrieval surgery. And in these two years, she has taken eggs seven times.
52-year-old Rita, the head of technology industry, spent 21 years discussing love, and cooperated with her boyfriend to not get married and not have a child, but was finally unsuccessful. She is middle-aged and has no sense of feeling, so she decided to go abroad to do matching surgery. The child was born and there was no support. Now she had to pick up the child after get off work, feeling that she would run away at any time. But she was very glad that she made this decision herself. "I was overwhelmed at that time. I had no way to trust anyone. It was the child who let me come out."
Listen to: Please click here to listen to this episode I am very satisfied with this kind of life. Why can't I be too long?And the other person I want to visit today, in addition to the letter, is another person she visited in the film, and is also her junior high school student: former beauty editor Lulu.
Lulu, who was 40 years old, lived like she was 20 years old. "I dress beautifully every day, attend journalists and go abroad to work to broaden my horizons. Since I am very satisfied with this kind of life, why can't I grow up a little longer? When I am not as gentle as I am old, you will naturally have a late marriage."
But when the year came, the spark of love faded. I was willing to give birth to a child, and I realized that I was over 40 years old. At this age, I have to bring three children and only sleep three or four hours a day. To be honest, it’s really not something that people have passed away!
{twenty one} {twenty two}
Group portrait of a woman born late marriage
Chen Wen said: "I am also 35 years old and have a second child at the age of 37. My friends around me also have a late marriage. When we were young, we read books, study, and worked very hard. We have some plans for life, some dreams, and pursue self-realization, and want economic independence. At that time, we would put marriage or family education behind. I don’t know that after 40, having a daughter would have such a huge impact on our life. "
At the age of 39, the eldest daughter was four years old and the younger son was two years old. It was a lively age, and the letter that I always wanted to share was too much to bear! She left her full-time mother for four years. "Of course, I'm also mentally irritated: I'm worried that I may not have the chance to go back to the job site. Is this my choice? Should I make this choice? Of course, I have thought that I want to be both, but it's really hard. Whether I'm going to work or taking care of my children, I think I can do it myself. If you don’t have to send the child to grandpa and grandma, watching TV or sending it to the closed space in the kindergarten. When you wait until six or seven o’clock in the evening, you will feel that you don’t have the same feelings as you will have a lot of torture in this place, and it is difficult to have a lot of favors.”
Many mothers can never go back to the job after they go back to take their children. Fortunately, after four years, the child went to elementary school, she returned to the media. "I'm pretty good, because four years have been really long, and I thought at that time that I should have been forgotten by the boss. Because even I almost forgot who I am, I don't have a name, I'm just × × Mom, if someone wants to ask my real name, I feel troubled. Mom doesn't seem to have to have herself."
Of course, the letter would not complain to her child: "Mom is always for you!" She also cherishes the time when mother and son are with her, but "I'm sure my profession is not about bringing children and doing housework." Only mothers will know what choices they have made in this.
High-grade mother's anxiety about timeand Lulu, who had only given birth to three children at the age of 44, said time is a luxury. Because she was born late, she might have been ten years less with her children than others. In addition, she was too tired to bring three children, so she gave up her beauty editing job half-heartedly and half-forced.
"I can only slowly transform from a bright and bright edit into a three-baby mother. When the child was young, he lived like a boob, and then I felt like I was being scattered every day, and I kept spitting and covered every day.. Every day I hold my child and watch the sunrise and sunset, and I have no hope for the days, and then I feed my milk in the middle of the night. I still see on IG what delicious restaurants I had and what fun things I saw before …… At that time, you often fell into purgation by yourself, thinking why did I pass such days? ”
(I once edited for beauty. For the sake of three children, LuLu gave up her past glamorous life and experienced the pain of high birth.)
The Lulu in front of us is no longer the same as her who has no time to dress in the record. She is picking up her beautiful appearance bit by bit.
When this record came out, her mood was already slowly jumping out of the fertility ground, looking back at her busy and troubled self, as if she was a different life.
"You can slowly start to find out your tacit understanding with your children, a pattern of being with yourself, go back and look at their sleeping faces, or hold your hands with your hands, ask: Where will you take us to play? At this time, you will feel satisfied. You will be ashamed of everything you give up."
The mother of the whole job is reorganizing herselfNow Lulu has a brand new discovery for herself: it turns out that she is so strong and can give so much love. "You will slowly thrive. My world is broadened. The process of living with children is a very strong energy. Those slowly growing forces will run into your heart."
Chen Hanshu also experienced a reorganization, upgrade, and evolution during those four years of life when he was at home and took children.
"In fact, we have been working like a top and growing up inexplicably. During the days when I was having children at home, I remembered how I was treated in the past? Find out the problems that were ignored in the past during the growth process. From the expectations of my children, I saw whether I had become the person I wanted to become. I also clearly saw where I was stuck in the past and my blind spots. After sorting out my life, I would be more different. People's life. It seems that the days when they are buried in bottles and diapers, babbling with their children every day, seem to have no intention, and no way to be quantified, you don't seem to know where its meaning is? But when I go back to work later, I have a new ability to grow up. "
Preparing for a child, I still start to get better early
In addition to Lulu, Chen Hansheng also accompanied her high school classmates and 44-year-old girl to the reproductive center to pick up eggs. He also felt distressed when he watched. Although it is a common conversation, if you look back now, the letter and the three visitors will think: it is better to start a little earlier when you want to have a child.
Chen Han said: "Looking at them suffering physical pain, repeated hopes and disappointment, it is really a kind of injury. If you knew that it would be difficult to have children after 38 years old, you would actually feel that you would start preparing early or sucking eggs early, and maybe you wouldn't have to suffer so much later. Of course, these are all afterwords! You'll walk on In this process, I feel that they will still cultivate some life strength to face the life subjects that they have never thought about. "
In this record, Chen Han said that he wanted to use these three women to ask for an answer: Should women enter marriage? If you want to have a baby but don’t have a marriage, can you stand out? If you have a marriage, do you want to have children? After having a child, can you take part in the work?
They may represent the shrinking of a small number of middle-level women in their motherhood and self, and looking at their daily lives, you may also think about your own answer.
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